Pride and what it means: A reflection on The Brother's Karamzov

Background

I've been reading this novel and in this chapter Alyosha(Alexei) went to the man that was beaten by his brother, a public humiliation and  a very poor man that was affected. This man had children who were sick, and their means of survival was what we call hand to mouth. 

The offer

Alyosha's brother had a woman who loved him, this is an oversimplification of their dynamic, for said brother felt he didn't deserve her for she was way too good for filth like him. Nonetheless this isn't about their relationship dynamic, that's a whole different conversation. This is about what she did. She gave 200 Roubles to Alyosha to give the man as some sort of apology or buying forgiveness as others may deem it. Now this money would've an immense impact on the captain (I should check his name again). It would've allowed him to buy medication for 3 different people, enabling them to not only feel better, but also help around the house. If they were well they could find work, and bring more money home, thus greatly improving the domestic situation. Not only that, the captain had a learned daughter who was supposed to return to Moscow to further her education, but couldn't because they took her travel money to buy things in the house and so she has been demoted to house help. This money would free her to go back to Moscow, said so by the captain himself as he told Alyosha on how important it is.

Decision

The Captain took the 200 roubles, crushed it in his hand threw it on the ground below and stomped it. and ran off with one last final message. How would I look at my son knowing my dignity had been bought for 200 roubles. Now Alyosha noted that the captain only realised he wouldn't take that money till the last moment.

Small context note, The captain's son who was in primary school had been bullied by the other kids about her father having being humiliated by Alyosha's brother. He felt so deep about it that he had hurled stones at  Alyosha when he last encountered him. Now Alyosha lives in a monastery and he's  a saint relative to  the Karamazov family and an average person

My thoughts

Foolishness

With Regards to what was at stake, taking the money is what matters above all. The difference it would make is monumental and any pride that could be lost is insignificant, for an already poor family their dignity is already at an all time low. People already think low of them and what does it matter if it gets lower if it means a better standard of living. The notion of holding onto dignity here baffles me

Dignity 

At the same time I'm torn apart by what it means. "He got beaten up and they paid money to shut him up". More important than that, The captain's son was very fond of his father. Loved him to bits, He idolised the man, and this would surely break him to not only see his father embarrassed by being publicly beaten, but by being hushed with money with no sense of justice. This is probably what led the Captain to ultimately act in haste and do what he did. Which begs the question, what's more important a man's dignity/pride or his comfort.

The black in the white

This is a nuanced discussion, one that beckons us to think of various things. If dignity means nothing where do we draw the line? If I take it home to me, would I accept money from someone who publicly humiliated me and then didn't even come to apologise, but his wife sends money on his behalf, for all I know he doesn't even know about it. Do I say no? Let's say that amount is $10 000? would i accept it? That money would do a lot for me, but at what cost? For the same reason I don't believe I could accept a gift of that amount from someone, that's my pride speaking. It feels a bit much. 

but what if my mother is sick? Would I still stand by the same line of thinking. Now my pride doesn't just affect me, but her too. Would i sacrifice my dignity for that. 

Now drawing it to my faith.

As a Christian, I'd accept it. Forgiving and taking the apology, letting go and moving on. But since I'm getting money for it is it still pure forgiveness? I think pure forgiveness for me would mean forgiving even without taking the money. Telling Alyosha that he can keep the money and I forgive.

But one can argue that's a sign of pride too, yes I'm not accepting the money and I'm forgiving from the get go. But at the same time considering the help  the money could provide, Would it not be wiser to take it and accept the help it could produce.

Conclusion

I am still torn and not sure what is the " right" decision. Nonetheless I plan to explore the topic of pride around this and get to a better position s to what I'd do