God, my disabled friend

 

 The title of this post might have peaked your curiosity (what does he mean disabled?) or had you screaming "Blood of Jesus", hopefully after I'm done you'd rescind them.

 

These are the contemplations of  a young man finding his place in Christ's kingdom.

 

 If you're on  my blog often you'll come to know that I am studying Computer Science, and yes I am a nerd, now I like to think of myself as a logical thinker (to a greater extent). This logical thinking isn't the problem, I believe anyone logical can see that scientific evidence hints at a higher being (Elohim). 

 The problem at hand is my own self ambition, I have a deep fear of poverty, it's quite scary. I'm actually typing this at 01:17 ( I had planned to code all night, but I ended up doom scrolling) this shows how determined I am to make it for myself. If you are one with conviction, you notice the number of I's already, but walk with me let's dive a bit further.

This fear of poverty means I'm a workaholic, I'm absorbed in my pursuit of greatness, if I'm not taking a break by playing games I'm probably thinking up what to do next, in a nutshell it's a lot of personal determination. I know, that's a good thing, but it stops being that when it interferes with God, "idolatry". Idolatry isn't a shiny object you bow in front of, but with the way I'm always on my laptop, I actually do have an object 😂.

My "idolatry" comes at the cost of my relationship with God. I remember a few weeks back I decided to treat my relationship with God like a romantic relationship. I'm a lover-boy, so I dive deep when I'm in one of those. My thinking was as follows:

How'd I feel if my partner didn't talk to me all day, but only at 23:00 before bed? How they expect me to show up for them when they give me the bare minimum?

 This was actually a good idea, I felt compelled to pull my socks up, not neglect my relationship and be a present partner. Now if my relationship status (single) was anything to go by I should've realised that wouldn't last that long. Slowly but surely it started fading and I even started a bible plan "How to deal with spiritual disconnectedness". I recommend that plan by the way.

 

Sunday, I went to church. This thought entered into my heart (not randomly of course). 

It hit me, how in life it's either I'm crucifying my flesh (and it desires that Porscheeeee 911 GT3 RS) or Jesus. The person who preached mentioned how they(Soldiers) crucified Jesus, then drew lots for his clothes? which was wild because they wanted his things but not him????

What fools! But if you've read Proverbs before you'll realise that passage that speaks about the fool starts feeling like a mirror, you start off going bars, bars and then realise wait! this fool and I have a lot in common. I also started thinking wait, could I be crucifying Jesus?

The evidence against me:

    The devil is a prosecutor and his case is as follows. 

1.  Crucifying the flesh goes beyond fighting lust, it includes getting rid of desires that have to with everyday human life and making time for the Lord.  
2. I made time to code, play EAFC 25(beating everyone by the way, little flex. I promise it's not pride) and other activities, but guess who I went to when I felt alone? empty? anxious? DING DING DING my knees to pray! 

Boitumelo crucifies Jesus to pursue his dreams, and other activities at the cost of the Lord. But comes back to him to get his clothes, GUILTY!

"I'm not deserving to serve, or be in his glory". Now as the prosecutor that thought does pop in mind,  but that doesn't faze me. Jesus is the advocate after all. I know I'm guilty, always have been and always will be. Saved by grace through faith. Not by deeds, I'm never deserving. So does that mean I'm off the hook, crucify and be saved by grace? not really,  far from it.


Esau sold his birthright (Genesis 25:29-34) for soup. Hope it was worth it because what a stupid trade. John 1:12 states that those who receive Jesus and believe in his name are given the right to become children of God. So by that grace that saved me when I accepted Jesus I got the birth right. I got the right to heaven, salvation, not to sound entitled because one can never be entitled to salvation as I said, it's by grace but for the purpose of the illustration. It became my birth right to go to heaven.

 

But, like Esau I can sell my birthright, by sinning. I mean Esau was hungry, and sold his birthright, what do you sell your birth right for? Lies? False testimony? Married People Stuff like holding hands👀. Now sin isn't just the 10 commandments. Doing something you know is wrong becomes sin to YOU. So me skipping my bible study is a sin, birthright gone, for what? YouTube video on why suspension bridges are rare. Bear with me, I'm finishing up (I'm a yapper, I like to draw the setting before adding my characters)

 

So the problem is as clear as day, how do I fix it?

TREATING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD LIKE BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP (NB I never learn with these analogies)  WITH A MUTE FRIEND THAT ALSO HAPPENS TO BE CONFINED TO A BED.

 

See, told you it's not blasphemy. Now to be frank, I don't know how it is to live with a mute person or disabled in anyway. This doesn't aim to make fun or ridicule disabled people. I can imagine that since a mute person can't speak you have to stop and actually pay attention to them to see what they are saying? In my example they are confined to a bed, now let me draw my image.

 

God is always there, the Holy Spirit dwells in me. Like my disabled friend I have to take a moment and pay attention to what he is saying, he can try to get my attention but unless I look away and give them attention I won't know. They are in a bed in a room, like how God is always where you leave him, if you choose to ignore him he'll wait for you to come back. I can choose to forget my friend in the room, and unless I come back to the room get them in a wheelchair and move around with them, they aren't going anywhere. Likewise I need to invite God into my life, move around with him. I believe through this? I can make it. 

 

I know I can, documenting this here is wild. Like what??? But being a Christian isn't easy and hopefully this helps someone too with their "friend" and what do you know?
If we all stay steadfast and within his presence there will come a time where your relationship with God isn't the one on the bed in a dark room, but you are on the wheelchair(I know that doesn't sound like a positive thing, but let me cook), you are on the wheelchair being pushed around by Jesus, being led by HIM in total submission to wherever  he deems fit, without a worry, letting go and giving him control.

 

 

Amen